Bones: Guide and Owner's Manual
by Erestory
Summary: Sick of the beer bottles? Wonder why he hates flying yet live in space? Read the manual!


Bones: Guide and Owner's Manual

Congratulations!

You are now the owner of a fully automated **Bones **Unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your handsome captain, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**Basic Information: **

**Name: ****Leonard H.** "**Bones**" **McCoy**

**Date Of Manufacture: **Year of 2227

**Place Of Manufacture: **Starfleet, Mississippi

**Height: **Around 6'1"

**Weight: **Unknown

**Race: **Human

**Your **_**Bones**_** Unit will come with the following accessories**

Three CMO uniforms

Two pairs of boots

1 Tricorder

1 _communicator_

Unlimited amount of Hypos

When you first open your **Bones **Unit, he may be grumpy and drunk. Show him your home, give him a couch and he sober up.

**Cleaning: **The **Bones **Unit is fully capable of cleaning himself…do NOT try to help.

**Programming:**

Your **bones** Unit is mature and loyal, and can carry out the following functions:

**Doctor: **Whether it's the chicken pocks or a deadly unknown disease your **Bones** will have you up and running around in no time.

**Drinking Buddy: **As he is newly divorced **Bones **has a strong need for liquor. Having a bad day? Grab him, head to the nearest bar and drink away.

**Partner in crime: **He's smart, loyal and mushy. If you want to sneak aboard a ship or get out of an important meeting **Bones **have the exact thing needed to help you

**Your **_**Bones**_** unit comes with five different modes:**

CMO

Drunk

Grumpy

Conscience

Friendly

The **friendly** mode is only activated whenever a **Jim** is around (sometimes) or if he wants something REALLY bad or he is on something.

**CMO** is activated when of the crew is injured.

The **Drunken** mode is activated when **Bones **had a lot to drink. He will be extra grumpy, ramble, stare in space and pass out.

The **Grumpy** mode is a default feature. It NEVER changes.

The **Conscience** mode is activated when in charge of a ship, when others are stuck in a sticky situation and when other units are missing, his friends or family members are hurt, scared and endanger. This mode can be activated anytime and anywhere.

_**Reaction to other units:**_

**Spock**: This unit is a co-worker and fellow friend to the **Spock** Unit. The **Spock **Unit often becomes unemotional and detached and thinks and act using logic angering the **Bones **unit. I won't leave them alone.

**Spock Prime**: These units have no contact.

**James Tiberius Kirk**: This unit is the best friends to the **Bones **unit. **Jim **will often scare him with his antics that they are great together**. **

**Nyota Uhura**: During testing they seem to get along fine but I won't call them friends.

**Montgomery "Scotty" Scott**: This unit is a friend and a good drinking buddy to the **Bones**.

**Hikaru Sulu**: These units are friends.

**Pavel Chekov**: No harm in leaving them alone.

**Christopher Pike:** This is a unit that the **Bones** respects and admires. No harm leaving them alone.

**Gaila**: These units also got along during testing but not exaclty friends.

**Joanna**: These units have little contact but get along great.

**Jocelyn**: Bones ex wife. Enough said.

**Frequently** **Asked Questions**

**Q: **My **Bones **unit keeps drinking and passing out everywhere? How can I help him before he drinks himself to death?

**A: **Cut off most of his money and give him a Starfleet pamphlet.

**Q: **My **Bones **and **Jim **Units aren't talking anymore and now **Jim **is sleeping somewhere else. What can I do?

**A: **Lure them to a bar and buy a ton of liquor. Tomorrow you'll get up and you'll find them passed out on the couch together. Problem solved.

**Q: **My aunt bought me a **Joanna **and** Jocelyn **units. I love seeing **Bones** and his daughter together but the ex is ruining everything. How can I get rid of her with out upsetting **Jocelyn**?

**A: **Introduce a **Christine Chapel** into the group. Soon little **Joanna** will grow to love her and **Jocelyn **will be pushed into a corner. When no one is paying attention, lock her in a box and ship her back.

**Q: **My Bones, Jim, and Scotty have come back from saving earth and are drinking constantly. How do I make them stop?

**A: **They just saved the WORLD. Give them a break.

**Warranty: **With proper care, the **Bones **Unit will grow old and eventually die, unless a Space battle, bar fight or old age kills him. However, if you get annoyed with the grumpy doctor, you can always send him back to our company for a full refund (within 12 months of purchase).


End file.
